Wow! It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Had been busy and also very lazy! Bad habit that I got. I do that with my emails, too. I procrastinate my replies and then I do an e-mail marathon! Haha...

Some days ago, I missed Pastor Malcom a lot. It's almost a year now since he passed away. Sometimes, I could still see myself in the past, when he was still with us and all the good times we had at church. Things just happened and we never know. He's such a good person but why something bad happened to him is something we can never know or figure out. Everything is in God's hands. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. I must admit that sometimes I just don't like God's reasons, but I still have to face them.

Pastor Andy resigned from pastoring our church for some health issues. Just these past few days, I kinda felt angry with God. I often asked Him, if He wants people to lead lost souls to Him, then why does He let things happen to hinder us. I really don't see any logic to it. So I tried to be disobedient to Him, but the more I ran away from Him, the more I got closer to Him. In some ways or the other, He told me what I was doing wasn't right. He's there with me and has never forsaken me and of course everything that is happening around me is still in His control. I think God's trying to teach me something His way. Is that how Christians grow?

Mommy and Papa are still not saved. I guess they can't just give up their traditions of doing 'bai bai'. Buddhists think they can go to heaven through good works, but as it is said in the Bible, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior is the ONLY way to go to heaven. People might say, these things are just religion, all we need to do is live a good and conscious life. Well, being a Christian, we need to live a good and conscious life, too, but most importantly, we need to be forgiven of our sins and that can be done only by admitting we are sinners, believing that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again on the third day and then praying and asking Him to come into our hearts. This is so simple, yet a lot of people don't want to do this, instead they do all kinds of worship so that they would have a blessed life. This sometimes really frustrates me. If my parents would get saved, I'm telling you... I'll never be happier. My greatest desire is to see them get saved and a lot of other people, too. (Mom, if you're reading this, please don't feel offended or hurt. I love and respect you a lot and I'm telling you the truth and the fact. )

STRESSED....

These days I've just been so stressed mentally. Why is it that money has to be the problem everytime? It's just that the jobs I do don't have good pays. I want to find a more stable job. I had days when I don't know what I'll eat the next day. Just the other day, I got one of my pays and I spent them in paying off debts and expenses.

Another one is my decision to do my Master's. I know what I want to do, but I'm not sure if I'm in the right direction. All my classmates could go for classes, but I can't since my Chinese isn't good and I would be wasting my time and energy. So I'm studying on my own but I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly.

The other thing is I want to settle in Taiwan and I don't see anyway that I can stay back at the moment.

In spite of what it is, I know I should have my faith steadfast. Mom Carol had told me God is able. I know He is. I know I shouldn't worry about things. I just need to do my very best and God will guide my way. I somehow feel scared. I still worry which gets me so stressed up that I get edgy. When things don't get right every time I get frustrated and that really spoils my mood. I just hope that this is another phase and I'll pass through it like I always did when I was stressed.

Last week, Richard called me after midnight and when I saw his number I knew it wasn't something good because he never calls me this late. He called to tell me that our Pastor, Malcom Fiestel, has passed away. He had cancer for one long year. We all knew it was coming, but I still cannot believe it that he's not here with us anymore. I really miss him. He has been a father figure to all of us at church. He was fun to be around with and he really has a great sense of humor. He's our Pastor, our father, our friend and a loved one. Even though he's not with us anymore and we all grieve about it, but we rejoice that he's in the presence of our Lord. He's in a much better place. A place where there's no pain or suffering and one day, we'll all be meeting him again. Pastor Malcom, we love and miss you. Thank you for your love to us and all the sacrifices you have made for our Lord. You will always be remembered.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream----and not make dreams your master,
If you can think----and not make thoughts your aims;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap of for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
And stoop and build them up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings----nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the earth and everything that's in it,
And----which is more----you'll be a Man, my son!

---Rudyard Kipling

FRIENDSHIP.......


Each of us has a hidden place
Somewhere deep within ourselves,
A place where we go to get away
To think things through,
To be alone, to be ourselves.

This unique place where we confront our deepest feelings,
Becomes a storehouse of all our hopes,
All our needs, all our dreams,
And even our unspoken fears.
It encompasses the essence of who we are and what we want.

But now and then, whether by chance or design,
Someone discovers a way into that place we thought was ours alone
And we allow that person to see, to feel and to share
All the reason, all the uncertainty
And all the emotions we've stored up there.

That person adds new perspective to our hidden realm
Then quietly settles down in his own corner of a special place,
Where a bit of himself will stay forever.

And we call that person a FRIEND.

TWO DAYS...

There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said---yesterday is gone.

The other day we shouldn't worry is tomorrow, with its impossible adversaries, its burden, its hopeful promise and poor performances. Tomorrow is beyond our control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds---but it will rise. And until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn. This leaves only one day---today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad---it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow, may bring. Let us, therefore, live one day at a time.

Yesterday is a cancelled cheque
Tomorrow is a promisory note
Today is cash
Spend it wisely.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's what I'm asking of you.

---Author unknown.

WHEN....

When you've cried so long and your heart is in anguish... God has counted your tears.

If you feel that your life is on hold and time has passed you by... God is waiting with you.

When you're lonely and your friends are too busy even for a phone call... God is by your side.

When you think you've tried everything and don't know where to turn... God has a solution.

If suddenly your outlook is brighter and you find traces of hope... God has whispered to you.

When things are going well and you have much to be thankful for... God has blessed you.

When something joyful happens and you are filled with awe... God has smiled upon you.

When you have a purpose to fulfil and a dream to follow... God has opened your eyes and called you by name.

Remember that wherever you are or whatever you are facing......

GOD KNOWS.

---Kelly D. Caron.

COMMITMENT

Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.
It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions
And the actions which speak louder than words.
It is making the time... when there is none.
Coming through time after time, year after year.
Commitment is the stuff character is made of;
The power to change the face of things.
It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.

---AUTHOR UNKNOWN

WORRY is:

1. Sinful an produced by fear.
2. A disease causing other ills.
3. Borrowing trouble that cannot be paid back.
4. Brooding over what may not happen.
5. Creating trouble, misery and death.
6. A burden borrowed from time or others.
7. Weight that kills prematurely.
8. Mental and physical suicide.
9. A gravedigger that has no sympathy.
10. Needless and wasted time and effort that should be spent constructively.
11. A robber of faith, peace and trust in an never-failing heavenly Father.
12. A stumbling block to others.
13. A disgrace to God that should never be indulged in by Christians.
14. Anxiety over what is nothing today and what is less tomorrow, in view of faith.
15. Anticipating troubles which seldom come to those who trust God.
16. Torment over something that will likely be a blessing if it comes.
17. Living like and orphan without a heavenly Father.
18. A crime against God, man, nature and better judgment.

--Reverend Dake.